Friday, August 11, 2006
Dear Mom...

my mom turns 44 today...i feel a mixture of emotions welling inside me. my mom and i have never been close as far as i can remember. She was this person who i feared greatly during my childhood years and i feared her more when as I grew up. When i was in highschool, the fear turned to rebellion. I wanted to rebel against who and what she wills me to be. We fought most of the times, rendering those many sleepless guilt-ridden nights. I've never wanted it that way. BUt i always saw her as this person who i hardly know. She seemed so distant to me. I've always been envious of my friends who are so close to their own mothers. I've wished to have the kind of mother-daughter relationship that Rory and Lorelai have on Gilmore girls(haha! my favorite tv series!). I have always wanted a female ally at home since i am the only girl at home. I wanted to share the juciest secrets to my mom and i wanted her to share her thoughts about the things which move me. I wanted to ask her advices about boys and stuffs..just the usual silly girly sentiments. But i never had the chance to...

I am a Daddy's girl...but I can never imagine sharing my dad stuff about my crushes and all...or else my dad would have a fit(haha!). I had no one to share my thoughts to at home. Well, i shared a few things to my younger brother Pepe, but there are some things that boys will never understand. And with that, i yearned for my mom. BUt we were so distant from each other. Yes, we lived in the same house, but it feels like we're strangers. It hurts me, and I guess it hurts her more. I don't know...i guess i will never understand.

My mom and I just had the chance to be close these past 2 years. Since i started living away from home, we've been constant textmates and chika buddies. I never realized that there was this quirky side in her. I never realized that we had so much in common. I am her daughter after all! hehe!

today, i wrote her a letter...and writing it made me realize how much time we've wasted. And i wish we could make up for it. I hope we can...so here's a copy of what i wrote to mom today on her birthday..


hi mom! happy birthday! whew! you're now 44 years old...
and i do mean OLD! hahaha!

mom, sori for all the bad things that i did before,
sa mga shortcomings nako..
all i just wanted was acceptance from both u
and dad..maybe i still dont understand or
u don't understand me..i have never been
the daughter u wanted me to be..i have never
been the good daughter..i was always pasaway...
and i feel guilty and bad for that..because i
never wanted it to be that way...it's just that
i feel that you and dad are too distant..
like its hard to share things with you because
you might not approve..but i always wanted you
guys to be there..to be a part of my life..
to be the ones i can run to and ask opinions
from...but it is so difficult...
i'm sory for everything mom...

all those that we went through the past 2
years have made me proud of you..
because you endured it all..even though it has been a rough year...

mom..i hope someday, i can open up things
that i want to share to you...things that
you will understand because you are a woman
like me...i just want you there to listen and
to understand..and not to judge right away...

mom, i may never have said it to you...
I love you mom...thanks for being a
good mother to me...thanks for being my mother...
i'm lucky to have you mom...

i thank God that you are my mother...


>>>my mom's reply made me cry and glad that i was able to open up things to her. it made happy the way our relationship is turning...


Happy Birthday MOm...I love you!


7 Comments:

Blogger JMom said...

hi from the Queer Chef! I'm pimping for the comment whore so Chas can get 100 comments before he comes back. Please go back and play the comment whore again. Thanks!

I'm almost the same age as your mommy! :) That is such a sweet letter you wrote your mom. I am sure that made her very proud to have raised a daughter like you. I hope that someday my daughters will feel comfortable enough to talk to me too. I'll remember what you said and try to just listen but not judge. We moms are learning all the time too.

Blogger Alternati said...

Mother-child relationships are always complicated (as far as most of the people I know) My mom is the only person I can be angry at without reservation. However, I KNOW I love her even when I'm shouting at the top of my lungs.

Great (and inspiring) letter.

Blogger babymoi said...

jmom--thanks! i guess i never will understand what my mother feels until i become a mother myself..i don't know..i've heard that cliche all my life...i do hope i can make my mom proud..hehe!

alternati-- yes, it seems daughters are more attached to their fathers rather than to their fathers. but we're working things out now.. :)

Blogger JMom said...

hi babymoi! back from the queer chef again....

you know I used to say, when I was at my lowest with my relationship with my mom, that "I will never be like that when I'm a mom!!". Well, I had to eat my words when I got older :) Now that I have my own kids, I catch myself quoting her a lot!

Blogger The Artist said...

What a beautiful blog, so glad I called by.

Thank you for calling over and yes I do paint all the paintings on the site. The gifts in my little shop also have my paintings on them. Keeps me busy.

Give your mum a big hug next time you see her, best wishes, The Artist

Blogger Chas Ravndal said...

beautifully written! I have the same situation as you are in now with your mother but the thing is I havent manage to connect with her completely. Well, wishing both of you the best and strength in your relationship!

Blogger babymoi said...

jmom--- my mom and i are taking things slowly but surely trying to patch up our relationship..:) in fact she's now here in pampanga visiting me..

the artist--thanks! in fact i just did!

chas---thanks! i hope u too can work out whatever u and ur mom are in...

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