Monday, October 23, 2006

eetI saw her crying again in that deserted room. Putrid smell of rat piss and roach shit hung thick in the air. It was dark but a small portable lamp provided little light in the room. Old furniture, torn up pages of books, magazines and newspapers scattered everywhere. There she was, sitting on a green broken down sofa. Her head hung low as she hugged herself. I could see a trickle of tears down her arms. She had been crying.

Slowly I walked towards her. I eased my way into the dark of the room, desperately trying to avoid stepping on anything foreign. She must’ve heard me coming, she looked up.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, blinking away tears, trying to sound casual as she could.

“You’ve been crying” I said. I looked straight to her brown eyes, wet with pear-shaped tears that seem to flow endlessly from her eyes.

“So what?” she snapped back. “What do you care?”

I stared at her, pretending not to hear a word she said. I plopped down beside her.

“Hmm…this is quite comfy, no wonder you like it here, but don’t you mind the smell? I asked her, trying to stir up a conversation.

Silence. More silence. It becomes deafening.

“So, tell me, why have you been crying?” I asked her after 30 minutes or so of silence.

“I wasn’t crying” was her feeble retort. She refused to look me straight in the eye. So typical of her.

“Oh come on, Tanya, do you think you could lie to me?” I asked her in a mocking tone.

“You can lie to them all, you can pretend to be happy in front of them, but you know you can never hide what you feel to me.”

With this, she looked up at me, straight in my eyes. I could feel her pain, she’s hurting inside. Then she broke into a sob. I took her in my arms. She was still crying hard. It breaks my heart to see her like this, but I know she must learn to stand up for her self.

“Everything’s gonna be alright darling” I told her, holding her tight in my arms.

“ Nothing’s gonna be alright!” she bellowed out. “Nothing!”

“Don’t be silly, there’s nothing that we haven’t worked out together right? Now be a doll and do tell me what’s bothering you.” I told her affectionately as I always do everytime she is in such a state like this.

“It’s Edward” she said.

With those very words, I knew right away what was bothering her. Edward. The man of her life. The man who gave her the chance to discover emotions she’d never felt before. And the man who is the reason why she always have to be in this kind of state.

“What’s he done now?” I asked, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

“Nothing!, that’s just it! He’s done nothing!” she cried some more

My poor little darling

“I mean, everything’s changed now, he isn’t like what he used to be you know.” She told me as she cried out, her voice shaky as she narrated it to me.

I know the story behind it all too well. She was in love, madly in love—they both are. But what with just one argument, everything seemed to have changed. He became a little cold. Rarely even taking time to ask her how she is, or if she ate her dinner or all those other silly things lovers do talk about. Yes, I know it’s a bit foolish of her to worry about things like those, but she is different. She craves for attention; she is delighted with those simple gestures of affection given to her. She finds it ok if a guy would be busy with work, but never without having time for her.

“He’s gone cold, like ice”

I guessed he would

“He’s not as sweet as he used to be, he never cares as much as before” more cries

“But darling,” I said “maybe he’s just busy, you must understand him, he’s quite a busy man.” I told her consolably.

“I feel so left alone, I feel deserted, like I don‘t matter to him anymore!” she cried out so loud.

“Now, now, stop making yourself feel so bad”

“ I feel like I just want to disappear, but I know that he won’t notice it anyway..” her voice trailed off..

“Maybe he won’t notice it when I’m gone…” she added.

“Nonsense, darling! You speak of such silly nonsense!” I said, somewhat baffled by the way she’s been thinking lately.

“It hurts Lisa, it really does, because no matter what, I still love him” she looked at me hoping to get an affirmation that I understand her.

I nodded at her.

“I love him… is that so hard to understand? Oh gosh! This just sucks!” she yelled furiously.

She got up from the sofa, started pacing back and forth the room and yelled all over and over again. I knew one day she’d really explode like this. She’s quite a fragile creature you know. She grew up that way. Never asking too many questions, never doubting people, she trusts too much of everyone. That’s just her problem—she trusts too much and loves too much.

“Now darling, remember this: allow your intuition to save you from heartache.” I quoted Oprah.

She turned around and looked at me, giggled a bit and said “You’ve been reading too much of Oprah”.

“Oh yes, I have, but you see what she’s been saying is useful and true”. I told her as a matter-of-factly.

She walked towards me, took my hand and held it tight.

“Lisa, you’re the bestest, best friend a girl could ever have. You listen to me”.

“Well, why don’t you try talking to him out of it and maybe he’ll listen?” I asked her.

“Oh, I can’t simply just do that, you see, if I do, we’ll argue again and it’s all going to be my fault. I need not to bother him with my childish thoughts.” She said sadly, hanging her head low again to avoid being seen crying.

“Oh darling, stop crying…you’ve been crying for hours now” I said somewhat concerned for her. Her eyes are already puffy and swollen-red from crying.

She stared at me lips forming into a smile “Didn’t you tell me that it’s alright to cry? That I should let go of my emotions?”

I was caught off-guarded at her retort, but I told her instead “Yes I did say that, but darling remember your heart isn’t as strong as you think it is” I smiled her a knowing smile.

Her heart is weak. That is a known fact. She has a very weak heart, which wallowing in too much pain would really be alarming to anyone in her family. She had almost died before because of a mild heart attack.

“Yes, it is weak Lisa, but I’m trying to strengthen it.” She said.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Only now do I realize what the quote: “there is a drop of madness in love...but there is a drop of reason in every madness” really means. She has gone mad.

“Darling, be a doll and stop this madness at once” I told her in a gentle but firm manner—somewhat like pleading actually.

“Lisa, I do love him so much…it’s just that why can’t he be the same as before?” tears welled up in her eyes

”Why did he have to be so cold? Why did he have to change? Do I not matter anymore? I feel as if I’m there yet not there at all…do you get me?” She asked almost feverishly.

I could only nod in agreement.

“Lisa, I want to leave for somewhere….to forget things for now, to have a change of environment, everything’s becoming so unhealthy for me lately” she confessed.

This has got to be the best decisions she ever thought of for this past few hours. I must agree with her, everything has been so unhealthy for her. She’s grown thin and emaciated these days. Gone are the laughter in her eyes. Gone are the smiles that used to captivate us in awe. Gone was the girl who I used to know. In her place was this thin, pale and sorry-looking girl. She still has those beautiful eyes though, round brown eyes surrounded by thick dark curly lashes.

“Darling, that’s such a wonderful idea of yours!” I exclaimed happily. “You deserve a break from all this!” I cheerily added. I rushed to her side and took her hand.

“This is your chance to think things over, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop crying, learn to smile…be a doll and do these” and I hugged her.

She cried, but this time, I knew those were tears of happiness.

“Lisa, thank you so much” and she sobbed some more.

The putrid smell of the room didn’t seem to bother me more then…


**** 0k...i know this is a lame attempt in writing a story..haha! but at least you could give me A for an effort! :P hope u guys like it... :P


i love you so much...words are not enough to express the joy that i feel for having you...i love you so much...grabe..i could go on and on saying this! i am ready and willing to share the rest of my life with you..we still have a long way to go...the journey ahead won't be easy, the road will be full of obstacles...but know heart will always be with you...i love you..!!! haaai.....grabe na to!

(sorry folks..i just can't contain my self..hahah! an outpour of emotions just drive me to do things beyond other people's understanding..haha! but just bear with me..i'm just another silly woman in love.. *wink!*)

Monday, October 16, 2006

I’m so SICK!!!!!

Oh yeah, really sick… I woke up yesterday screaming in pain just because some stupid “wisdom tooth” decided to grow on my right molar! Leche! The pain is really excruciating! And added to that, I also developed sore-eyes! Now, I’m a sore-eyed, swollen-gummed bitch! I think I’m dying! How worse can it get? The sore eye I can handle…but this wisdom tooth thing I certainly can’t!!! Unless of course it will help me boost my grades this coming finals! So uh, what the hell is a wisdom tooth really? Can it make me any wiser than I should be?

And oh! Finals are coming up this week! I’m really excited!! Not for the exams mind you, but for the upcoming sem break! Yay! I can finally get that dreaded vacation I so so wanted!, this week I guess I need a miracle: To do well in my finals and get fucking good grades. Just that and I’ll be a happy person for the rest of the vacation!! Hahaha!

So what’s new? Hmmm..nothing much, it’s still so hot these days, although we’re already halfway in the ber months. And I think our teachers are trying to drive us into insanity by assigning hundreds of pages of reports and a 1 hour documentary on some dead person. Haaaiii… the life of a student..heheh! :P

I got this meme while i was bloghopping, alas i forgot the blogsite where i found this! LOL! anyway here it is:

1.) Single, Taken, or Crushin?

2) Are you happy with where you are?
>> yes...and why wouldn't i be?

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
>> no...the ones i fell in love fast weren't the
right ones..or maybe i wasn't the right one..who knows?

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
>> yes...everyone has had their own share of tearjerking stories to tell about a lost love..sigh...

5) Do you believe that there are certain
circumstances where cheating is ok?
>> no...i have never been the type to approve of
cheating..cheating is cheating...there is never an acceptable excuse for that....

6.) Would you ever take back a cheater?
>> NO....if he cheated on me once, he can cheat on me again....i hate cheaters... grrrr...

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
>> yes... :) and it's such a wonderful feeling how you are able to plan about things like that with if you're slowly building your future together with this person...

8) Do you want children?
>> yes..not now..but maybe in the near future... *wink!*

9) How many?
>> 2 or 3 will do...

10) Would you consider adoption?
>> maybe..i have been thinking about that for ages u know...i fear of becoming a mother because i might end up looking so fat and ugly after childbirth... :( but if i adopt..i'm safe..haha! but still, it's much better if u have a child of your own right? hmmm...i think adoption is still an option however....hmmmm....

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
>> hmmmm....through a song or a poem maybe...that'd be sweet.. :)

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
>>yes..i am hard to get... :P

13) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
>> no...i think there is no such thing as a love at first sight..maybe attraction at first sight..but love? love is too deep to divulge in with just first glance...

14)Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
>>yes! hahaha...and it's more important if guys can get the date right! hahahah!

15) Do you believe that you can change someone?
>> maybe...i don't know...

16) If u could get married anywhere, where would it be (money's not an option)?
>> i'd love a garden wedding.. :) it's sweet and romantic when people used to have their weddings on their own gardens...but alas, i don't have a garden! hahaahh! :P

17) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
>> yes...

18) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
>> no...

19) Have you ever broken a heart?
>> yes...

20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
>> yEs

21) Is there anything you want to say to your ex?
>> just thank you..
:) thank you for letting me go..because if it
weren't for that...i wouldn't be in a much happier
state than i am now...and i forgive u... :) i hope u forgive me too..

i'm not tagging anyone....haha! i feel so lazy to do it actually... :P

i love this photo:

haha! it's like i'm the yellow one and my boyfriend's the green one...soooo freakingly cute!:P

Well, since nothing much is happening lately, ponder on this instead guys:

"there is a drop of madness in love...but there is a drop of reason in every madness.."

i love you all ... :)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I'm Back Bitches!!!!

Waaaaaahh!! It feels so good to be back! After a 2 week long hiatus! Blame it on that dreaded dial up connection that I had to endure! Grrrr! Not only was it super duper slow….everytime I try to log on blogger it always ends up with “page cannot be found”. It bummed me to hell!!! Arrrgghhh!!! Ok, breath….ok, thank you for listening to my tirades now let’s move on to something better… J

Men are from mars, women are from Venus

In my previous post, alternati gave me a comment saying men are from mars and women are from Venus. Just yesterday, my friend gave me a book entitled…guess what? Yup, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. Imagine my surprise with that. I mean, why could he possibly give me a book such as this? Hahaha…he must be sending hints that I should try to understand what goes into men’s thinking…now that’s a laugh. Last night I started reading a few pages of it ( I’m still in the 31st page! Hahaha! A pathetic attempt on reading…yes I know) and I must admit that I find my self nodding in agreement with what the author is saying. Let me quote some parts of which really made me think over:

“Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate and respond the way women do.”

“Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after.”

“The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen; the most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them.”

I guess I don’t have to explain why those made me think over the differences between men and women. They are self-explanatory don’t you think?

Moving on…

During that 2week long of having to live up with a super slow dial-up connection, I found myself poring over J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter books 5 and 6. And I’m so excited over the 7th and last book. I keep having dreams of Hogwarts and Harry and the gang! Hahah! Talk about lunatic huh? I don’t know…I even find myself shouting “Cruciatus!”, “Protego”, or “Wingardium Leviosa”…hahah! Ok, I know, I sound freaky…so bear with it! :P

I really love Severus Snape! I don’t care if many people hate him, or loathe him to death; I really, really love Snape!! Hahah! He’s the villain that I absolutely love! I really hate Draco though, weird huh? Oh, and though I hate Voldemort too, I heart Ralph Fiennes. Hahah!

I wonder when Harry Potter Book 7 will come out.

There are free downloadable e-books of Harry Potter on the net though, if you guys would like to try, check out they have really nice e-books ranging from a variety of well-know authors of fiction novels like, John Grisham, Sidney Sheldon, Mario Puzo, J.K Rowling, and lots more…. (shameless plugging!)

A cute hate letter… J

And so, because I was bored to death last week, my friend forwarded me this cute little hate letter which I really find smartly-written.

Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative.
This is a loveletter from a boy to a girl....However,
the girl's father does not like him and wants them to
stop their relationship......and so....the boy wrote
this letter to the girl....... He knows that the
girl's father will definitely read this letter

1 "The great love that I have for you

2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you

3 grows every day. When I see you,

4 I do not even like your face;

5 the one thing that I want to do is to

6 look at other girls. I never wanted to

7 marry you. Our last conversation

8 was very boring and has not

9 made me look forward to seeing you again.

10 You think only of yourself.

11 If we were married, I know that I would find

12 life very difficult, and I would have no

13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

14 to give, but it is not something that

15 I want to give to you. No one is more

16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

17 able to care for me and help me.

18 I sincerely want you to understand that

19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

20 if you think this is the end. Do not try

21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

22 things that do not interest me. You have no

23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that

25 I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to

he girl....the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE

LINES", meaning-only to read (Odd


So.. please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet....

Is it that obvious that I’m bored to death?? haha