Monday, October 23, 2006

eetI saw her crying again in that deserted room. Putrid smell of rat piss and roach shit hung thick in the air. It was dark but a small portable lamp provided little light in the room. Old furniture, torn up pages of books, magazines and newspapers scattered everywhere. There she was, sitting on a green broken down sofa. Her head hung low as she hugged herself. I could see a trickle of tears down her arms. She had been crying.

Slowly I walked towards her. I eased my way into the dark of the room, desperately trying to avoid stepping on anything foreign. She must’ve heard me coming, she looked up.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, blinking away tears, trying to sound casual as she could.

“You’ve been crying” I said. I looked straight to her brown eyes, wet with pear-shaped tears that seem to flow endlessly from her eyes.

“So what?” she snapped back. “What do you care?”

I stared at her, pretending not to hear a word she said. I plopped down beside her.

“Hmm…this is quite comfy, no wonder you like it here, but don’t you mind the smell? I asked her, trying to stir up a conversation.

Silence. More silence. It becomes deafening.

“So, tell me, why have you been crying?” I asked her after 30 minutes or so of silence.

“I wasn’t crying” was her feeble retort. She refused to look me straight in the eye. So typical of her.

“Oh come on, Tanya, do you think you could lie to me?” I asked her in a mocking tone.

“You can lie to them all, you can pretend to be happy in front of them, but you know you can never hide what you feel to me.”

With this, she looked up at me, straight in my eyes. I could feel her pain, she’s hurting inside. Then she broke into a sob. I took her in my arms. She was still crying hard. It breaks my heart to see her like this, but I know she must learn to stand up for her self.

“Everything’s gonna be alright darling” I told her, holding her tight in my arms.

“ Nothing’s gonna be alright!” she bellowed out. “Nothing!”

“Don’t be silly, there’s nothing that we haven’t worked out together right? Now be a doll and do tell me what’s bothering you.” I told her affectionately as I always do everytime she is in such a state like this.

“It’s Edward” she said.

With those very words, I knew right away what was bothering her. Edward. The man of her life. The man who gave her the chance to discover emotions she’d never felt before. And the man who is the reason why she always have to be in this kind of state.

“What’s he done now?” I asked, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

“Nothing!, that’s just it! He’s done nothing!” she cried some more

My poor little darling

“I mean, everything’s changed now, he isn’t like what he used to be you know.” She told me as she cried out, her voice shaky as she narrated it to me.

I know the story behind it all too well. She was in love, madly in love—they both are. But what with just one argument, everything seemed to have changed. He became a little cold. Rarely even taking time to ask her how she is, or if she ate her dinner or all those other silly things lovers do talk about. Yes, I know it’s a bit foolish of her to worry about things like those, but she is different. She craves for attention; she is delighted with those simple gestures of affection given to her. She finds it ok if a guy would be busy with work, but never without having time for her.

“He’s gone cold, like ice”

I guessed he would

“He’s not as sweet as he used to be, he never cares as much as before” more cries

“But darling,” I said “maybe he’s just busy, you must understand him, he’s quite a busy man.” I told her consolably.

“I feel so left alone, I feel deserted, like I don‘t matter to him anymore!” she cried out so loud.

“Now, now, stop making yourself feel so bad”

“ I feel like I just want to disappear, but I know that he won’t notice it anyway..” her voice trailed off..

“Maybe he won’t notice it when I’m gone…” she added.

“Nonsense, darling! You speak of such silly nonsense!” I said, somewhat baffled by the way she’s been thinking lately.

“It hurts Lisa, it really does, because no matter what, I still love him” she looked at me hoping to get an affirmation that I understand her.

I nodded at her.

“I love him… is that so hard to understand? Oh gosh! This just sucks!” she yelled furiously.

She got up from the sofa, started pacing back and forth the room and yelled all over and over again. I knew one day she’d really explode like this. She’s quite a fragile creature you know. She grew up that way. Never asking too many questions, never doubting people, she trusts too much of everyone. That’s just her problem—she trusts too much and loves too much.

“Now darling, remember this: allow your intuition to save you from heartache.” I quoted Oprah.

She turned around and looked at me, giggled a bit and said “You’ve been reading too much of Oprah”.

“Oh yes, I have, but you see what she’s been saying is useful and true”. I told her as a matter-of-factly.

She walked towards me, took my hand and held it tight.

“Lisa, you’re the bestest, best friend a girl could ever have. You listen to me”.

“Well, why don’t you try talking to him out of it and maybe he’ll listen?” I asked her.

“Oh, I can’t simply just do that, you see, if I do, we’ll argue again and it’s all going to be my fault. I need not to bother him with my childish thoughts.” She said sadly, hanging her head low again to avoid being seen crying.

“Oh darling, stop crying…you’ve been crying for hours now” I said somewhat concerned for her. Her eyes are already puffy and swollen-red from crying.

She stared at me lips forming into a smile “Didn’t you tell me that it’s alright to cry? That I should let go of my emotions?”

I was caught off-guarded at her retort, but I told her instead “Yes I did say that, but darling remember your heart isn’t as strong as you think it is” I smiled her a knowing smile.

Her heart is weak. That is a known fact. She has a very weak heart, which wallowing in too much pain would really be alarming to anyone in her family. She had almost died before because of a mild heart attack.

“Yes, it is weak Lisa, but I’m trying to strengthen it.” She said.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Only now do I realize what the quote: “there is a drop of madness in love...but there is a drop of reason in every madness” really means. She has gone mad.

“Darling, be a doll and stop this madness at once” I told her in a gentle but firm manner—somewhat like pleading actually.

“Lisa, I do love him so much…it’s just that why can’t he be the same as before?” tears welled up in her eyes

”Why did he have to be so cold? Why did he have to change? Do I not matter anymore? I feel as if I’m there yet not there at all…do you get me?” She asked almost feverishly.

I could only nod in agreement.

“Lisa, I want to leave for somewhere….to forget things for now, to have a change of environment, everything’s becoming so unhealthy for me lately” she confessed.

This has got to be the best decisions she ever thought of for this past few hours. I must agree with her, everything has been so unhealthy for her. She’s grown thin and emaciated these days. Gone are the laughter in her eyes. Gone are the smiles that used to captivate us in awe. Gone was the girl who I used to know. In her place was this thin, pale and sorry-looking girl. She still has those beautiful eyes though, round brown eyes surrounded by thick dark curly lashes.

“Darling, that’s such a wonderful idea of yours!” I exclaimed happily. “You deserve a break from all this!” I cheerily added. I rushed to her side and took her hand.

“This is your chance to think things over, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop crying, learn to smile…be a doll and do these” and I hugged her.

She cried, but this time, I knew those were tears of happiness.

“Lisa, thank you so much” and she sobbed some more.

The putrid smell of the room didn’t seem to bother me more then…


**** 0k...i know this is a lame attempt in writing a story..haha! but at least you could give me A for an effort! :P hope u guys like it... :P


i love you so much...words are not enough to express the joy that i feel for having you...i love you so much...grabe..i could go on and on saying this! i am ready and willing to share the rest of my life with you..we still have a long way to go...the journey ahead won't be easy, the road will be full of obstacles...but know heart will always be with you...i love you..!!! haaai.....grabe na to!

(sorry folks..i just can't contain my self..hahah! an outpour of emotions just drive me to do things beyond other people's understanding..haha! but just bear with me..i'm just another silly woman in love.. *wink!*)


Blogger Alternati said...

What a nice story and I love the delivery. :)

Blogger ralphT said...

i'll give you an 'E' for effort ;) :P

you're good. :)

Blogger babymoi said...

alternati--haha! thank you! this story is close to my heart because the characters are based on real people.. *wink!*

ralpht-- haha! at least i get an E! hehehe!

Blogger Talamasca said...

Brilliant. :-)

But all the girl does is cry and cry and cry? She is pathetic. LOL.

Blogger babymoi said...

talamasca--yeah! she's such a pathetic loony..hahah! but i made her that way coz she represents the vulnerable, pathetic part of me..hahah! lol!:P

Blogger Chas Ravndal said...

Nice story! And i do agree what Oprah said.

Blogger Talamasca said...

Updates? O_o

Blogger babymoi said...

chas-- thank you dear! hehehe! yup oprah rocks!

talamasca--i'm for the moment my pc bogged down due to a virus! huhuhu! so i can't post updates yet...:(

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