gothic babe

2006-11-20T07:36:00.000-08:00

Obsession

I’ve been listening to Nina’s Live album for these past few days. I don’t know why but there is one song that I keep playing over and over and over again—“I love you Goodbye” This is a post-break-up song, which doesn’t really reveal the current state of my heart right now. Haha!

Somehow the songs that you’re listening to reflect what you are currently feeling or the mood you are in. Does my newfound penchant for this song mean that I’m contemplating on a change of heart? (Ponders on it for a split second and dismisses the thought… hehe!)

I’m not heartbroken or anything but the lyrics of the song “I love you Goodbye” really hit a soft spot inside me. It’s as if it’s saying exactly what’s on my mind right now :

” I wish someday you can, find some way to understand, I’m only doing this for you…I don’t really want to go but deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do..”

"Oh i don't wan t to leave you , baby it tears me up inside, but i'll never be the one you're needing, i lov you goodbye...."

It is because I am leaving for home in a few days and I will be leaving the life that I have grown to love. I will be leaving this place where I found love so true and so sincere. I don’t really want to leave, but circumstances lead me to choose between staying and leaving. And this, I hope he’ll understand.

But there's one thing i'm sure of, i shall return...and when i do, i'm going to make things work out the way it should.

****

Charmed

Over bottles of C2 and a bag of chips, I spent a 2-day DVD-thon watching 4 seasons of The Charmed Ones series. I realized how much I missed watching this series. I miss Prue so much. She’s my favourite of the trio coz she’s got guts and beauty… but I also noticed that she’s the only one in the group who seems to be prone to attacks from the strange kind. I was kinda disappointed when she “died” at the end of the 3^rd (or 4^th? I’m not sure) season. Oh bummer, it really took me so long to get used to having Paige around. Something’s just off about Paige you know, she’s too damn white (almost Michael Jackson-esque kind of white). Ok, maybe I was just sore because Prue got killed off. Bummer!

***

Guys! Please pray for my safe journey! I love you all....

2006-11-03T05:49:00.000-08:00

Updates…

Well, it’s been a long week and the much-coveted sem-break turned out to be such a bitch! Well, to start off, my computer bogged down after a month of using the crystalxp bricopack
software. I can’t even recover my files, pictures and videos. I had to reformat my pc and here I am, stuck in a cheap internet café. Oh well, this is life. It’s just a shame all my pics (and “our” pics) were lost. You guys cannot imagine the hell I’ve been thru! I thought my computer was even plagued with a virus!

Lesson learned? :

Never download free unlicensed software from the net! I don't know if anyone else experienced the same thing i've been thru. But the guy repairing my pc said it was a spyware whice corrupted the operating system of my PC. When it came down to recovery of files....zilch! nada! nada! I felt like crying so hard after that. All my important files gone down the drain. Even my french lessons were gone! oh well, that's life.

moving on...

Hollywood is so fickle

On monday, it was reported that Reese Witherspoon and her husband Ryan Phillippe have separated. Hmmm...so another one bites the dust. So many celebrity couples have split since last year. It has now made me conclude that it is indeed fickle in Hollywood. Nothin lasts in tinseltown. I wonder why is that? I'd not worry about relationships like boyfriend-girlfriend going down the drains. But once you talk about marriage, I guess all the odds are against you. You have to fight to save the marriage no matter how much trouble you and your partner are going through. I mean didn't you promise to love each other for better and for worse? So, how come once the problems come pouring in, the divorce paper becomes the sole option? It just pains me to see couples fall out of love. Maybe because it is the realization that nothing lasts forever in this world--even love.

Because I’m a Girl

I cried buckets and buckets of tears last night because of this Korean music video by the all-girl band KISS. Well, I didn’t understand a thing about their song (although I searched for its English translation out of sheer curiosity) but the video was really heart-wrenching. I couldn’t help but cry my heart out especially the last part. I think i'm obsessed.

I wish the guy didn't leave the girl after giving his eyes...If this happened to me, i would really go out of my way to look for him again. I mean does the guy think that the girl will love him less because he's blind? I mean if it is true love, physical blindness doesn't matter...it's the heart that really sees right? Haaaaiii...i'm just really affected by this. But i gotta give it to them these Koreans, they really know how to break my heart! huhuhuhu! i'm sorry, I'm just a self-confessed helpless romantic. And i always want happy endings...guess that's just too surreal huh?

2006-10-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

eetI saw her crying again in that deserted room. Putrid smell of rat piss and roach shit hung thick in the air. It was dark but a small portable lamp provided little light in the room. Old furniture, torn up pages of books, magazines and newspapers scattered everywhere. There she was, sitting on a green broken down sofa. Her head hung low as she hugged herself. I could see a trickle of tears down her arms. She had been crying.

Slowly I walked towards her. I eased my way into the dark of the room, desperately trying to avoid stepping on anything foreign. She must’ve heard me coming, she looked up.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, blinking away tears, trying to sound casual as she could.

“You’ve been crying” I said. I looked straight to her brown eyes, wet with pear-shaped tears that seem to flow endlessly from her eyes.

“So what?” she snapped back. “What do you care?”

I stared at her, pretending not to hear a word she said. I plopped down beside her.

“Hmm…this is quite comfy, no wonder you like it here, but don’t you mind the smell? I asked her, trying to stir up a conversation.

Silence. More silence. It becomes deafening.

“So, tell me, why have you been crying?” I asked her after 30 minutes or so of silence.

“I wasn’t crying” was her feeble retort. She refused to look me straight in the eye. So typical of her.

“Oh come on, Tanya, do you think you could lie to me?” I asked her in a mocking tone.

“You can lie to them all, you can pretend to be happy in front of them, but you know you can never hide what you feel to me.”

With this, she looked up at me, straight in my eyes. I could feel her pain, she’s hurting inside. Then she broke into a sob. I took her in my arms. She was still crying hard. It breaks my heart to see her like this, but I know she must learn to stand up for her self.

“Everything’s gonna be alright darling” I told her, holding her tight in my arms.

“ Nothing’s gonna be alright!” she bellowed out. “Nothing!”

“Don’t be silly, there’s nothing that we haven’t worked out together right? Now be a doll and do tell me what’s bothering you.” I told her affectionately as I always do everytime she is in such a state like this.

“It’s Edward” she said.

With those very words, I knew right away what was bothering her. Edward. The man of her life. The man who gave her the chance to discover emotions she’d never felt before. And the man who is the reason why she always have to be in this kind of state.

“What’s he done now?” I asked, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

“Nothing!, that’s just it! He’s done nothing!” she cried some more

My poor little darling

“I mean, everything’s changed now, he isn’t like what he used to be you know.” She told me as she cried out, her voice shaky as she narrated it to me.

I know the story behind it all too well. She was in love, madly in love—they both are. But what with just one argument, everything seemed to have changed. He became a little cold. Rarely even taking time to ask her how she is, or if she ate her dinner or all those other silly things lovers do talk about. Yes, I know it’s a bit foolish of her to worry about things like those, but she is different. She craves for attention; she is delighted with those simple gestures of affection given to her. She finds it ok if a guy would be busy with work, but never without having time for her.

“He’s gone cold, like ice”

I guessed he would

“He’s not as sweet as he used to be, he never cares as much as before” more cries

“But darling,” I said “maybe he’s just busy, you must understand him, he’s quite a busy man.” I told her consolably.

“I feel so left alone, I feel deserted, like I don‘t matter to him anymore!” she cried out so loud.

“Now, now, stop making yourself feel so bad”

“ I feel like I just want to disappear, but I know that he won’t notice it anyway..” her voice trailed off..

“Maybe he won’t notice it when I’m gone…” she added.

“Nonsense, darling! You speak of such silly nonsense!” I said, somewhat baffled by the way she’s been thinking lately.

“It hurts Lisa, it really does, because no matter what, I still love him” she looked at me hoping to get an affirmation that I understand her.

I nodded at her.

“I love him… is that so hard to understand? Oh gosh! This just sucks!” she yelled furiously.

She got up from the sofa, started pacing back and forth the room and yelled all over and over again. I knew one day she’d really explode like this. She’s quite a fragile creature you know. She grew up that way. Never asking too many questions, never doubting people, she trusts too much of everyone. That’s just her problem—she trusts too much and loves too much.

“Now darling, remember this: allow your intuition to save you from heartache.” I quoted Oprah.

She turned around and looked at me, giggled a bit and said “You’ve been reading too much of Oprah”.

“Oh yes, I have, but you see what she’s been saying is useful and true”. I told her as a matter-of-factly.

She walked towards me, took my hand and held it tight.

“Lisa, you’re the bestest, best friend a girl could ever have. You listen to me”.

“Well, why don’t you try talking to him out of it and maybe he’ll listen?” I asked her.

“Oh, I can’t simply just do that, you see, if I do, we’ll argue again and it’s all going to be my fault. I need not to bother him with my childish thoughts.” She said sadly, hanging her head low again to avoid being seen crying.

“Oh darling, stop crying…you’ve been crying for hours now” I said somewhat concerned for her. Her eyes are already puffy and swollen-red from crying.

She stared at me lips forming into a smile “Didn’t you tell me that it’s alright to cry? That I should let go of my emotions?”

I was caught off-guarded at her retort, but I told her instead “Yes I did say that, but darling remember your heart isn’t as strong as you think it is” I smiled her a knowing smile.

Her heart is weak. That is a known fact. She has a very weak heart, which wallowing in too much pain would really be alarming to anyone in her family. She had almost died before because of a mild heart attack.

“Yes, it is weak Lisa, but I’m trying to strengthen it.” She said.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Only now do I realize what the quote: “there is a drop of madness in love...but there is a drop of reason in every madness” really means. She has gone mad.

“Darling, be a doll and stop this madness at once” I told her in a gentle but firm manner—somewhat like pleading actually.

“Lisa, I do love him so much…it’s just that why can’t he be the same as before?” tears welled up in her eyes

”Why did he have to be so cold? Why did he have to change? Do I not matter anymore? I feel as if I’m there yet not there at all…do you get me?” She asked almost feverishly.

I could only nod in agreement.

“Lisa, I want to leave for somewhere….to forget things for now, to have a change of environment, everything’s becoming so unhealthy for me lately” she confessed.

This has got to be the best decisions she ever thought of for this past few hours. I must agree with her, everything has been so unhealthy for her. She’s grown thin and emaciated these days. Gone are the laughter in her eyes. Gone are the smiles that used to captivate us in awe. Gone was the girl who I used to know. In her place was this thin, pale and sorry-looking girl. She still has those beautiful eyes though, round brown eyes surrounded by thick dark curly lashes.

“Darling, that’s such a wonderful idea of yours!” I exclaimed happily. “You deserve a break from all this!” I cheerily added. I rushed to her side and took her hand.

“This is your chance to think things over, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop crying, learn to smile…be a doll and do these” and I hugged her.

She cried, but this time, I knew those were tears of happiness.

“Lisa, thank you so much” and she sobbed some more.

The putrid smell of the room didn’t seem to bother me more then…

-end-

**** 0k...i know this is a lame attempt in writing a story..haha! but at least you could give me A for an effort! :P hope u guys like it... :P

addendum:

i love you so much...words are not enough to express the joy that i feel for having you...i love you so much...grabe..i could go on and on saying this! i am ready and willing to share the rest of my life with you..we still have a long way to go...the journey ahead won't be easy, the road will be full of obstacles...but know this...my heart will always be with you...i love you..!!! haaai.....grabe na to!

(sorry folks..i just can't contain my self..hahah! an outpour of emotions just drive me to do things beyond other people's understanding..haha! but just bear with me..i'm just another silly woman in love.. *wink!*)

2006-10-16T02:11:00.000-07:00

I’m so SICK!!!!!

Oh yeah, really sick… I woke up yesterday screaming in pain just because some stupid “wisdom tooth” decided to grow on my right molar! Leche! The pain is really excruciating! And added to that, I also developed sore-eyes! Now, I’m a sore-eyed, swollen-gummed bitch! I think I’m dying! How worse can it get? The sore eye I can handle…but this wisdom tooth thing I certainly can’t!!! Unless of course it will help me boost my grades this coming finals! So uh, what the hell is a wisdom tooth really? Can it make me any wiser than I should be?

And oh! Finals are coming up this week! I’m really excited!! Not for the exams mind you, but for the upcoming sem break! Yay! I can finally get that dreaded vacation I so so wanted!

Right...so, this week I guess I need a miracle: To do well in my finals and get fucking good grades. Just that and I’ll be a happy person for the rest of the vacation!! Hahaha!

So what’s new? Hmmm..nothing much, it’s still so hot these days, although we’re already halfway in the ber months. And I think our teachers are trying to drive us into insanity by assigning hundreds of pages of reports and a 1 hour documentary on some dead person. Haaaiii… the life of a student..heheh! :P

I got this meme while i was bloghopping, alas i forgot the blogsite where i found this! LOL! anyway here it is:

1.) Single, Taken, or Crushin?
>>taken

2) Are you happy with where you are?
>> yes...and why wouldn't i be?

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
>> no...the ones i fell in love fast weren't the
right ones..or maybe i wasn't the right one..who knows?

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
>> yes...everyone has had their own share of tearjerking stories to tell about a lost love..sigh...

5) Do you believe that there are certain
circumstances where cheating is ok?
>> no...i have never been the type to approve of
cheating..cheating is cheating...there is never an acceptable excuse for that....

6.) Would you ever take back a cheater?
>> NO....if he cheated on me once, he can cheat on me again....i hate cheaters... grrrr...

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
>> yes... :) and it's such a wonderful feeling how you are able to plan about things like that with someone..as if you're slowly building your future together with this person...

8) Do you want children?
>> yes..not now..but maybe in the near future... *wink!*

9) How many?
>> 2 or 3 will do...

10) Would you consider adoption?
>> maybe..i have been thinking about that for ages u know...i fear of becoming a mother because i might end up looking so fat and ugly after childbirth... :( but if i adopt..i'm safe..haha! but still, it's much better if u have a child of your own right? hmmm...i think adoption is still an option however....hmmmm....

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
>> hmmmm....through a song or a poem maybe...that'd be sweet.. :)

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
>>yes..i am hard to get... :P

13) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
>> no...i think there is no such thing as a love at first sight..maybe attraction at first sight..but love? love is too deep to divulge in with just first glance...

14)Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
>>yes! hahaha...and it's more important if guys can get the date right! hahahah!

15) Do you believe that you can change someone?
>> maybe...i don't know...

16) If u could get married anywhere, where would it be (money's not an option)?
>> i'd love a garden wedding.. :) it's sweet and romantic when people used to have their weddings on their own gardens...but alas, i don't have a garden! hahaahh! :P

17) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
>> yes...

18) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
>> no...

19) Have you ever broken a heart?
>> yes...

20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
>> yEs

21) Is there anything you want to say to your ex?
>> just thank you..
:) thank you for letting me go..because if it
weren't for that...i wouldn't be in a much happier
state than i am now...and i forgive u... :) i hope u forgive me too..

i'm not tagging anyone....haha! i feel so lazy to do it actually... :P

i love this photo:

haha! it's like i'm the yellow one and my boyfriend's the green one...soooo freakingly cute!:P

Well, since nothing much is happening lately, ponder on this instead guys:

"there is a drop of madness in love...but there is a drop of reason in every madness.."

i love you all ... :)

2006-10-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm Back Bitches!!!!

Waaaaaahh!! It feels so good to be back! After a 2 week long hiatus! Blame it on that dreaded dial up connection that I had to endure! Grrrr! Not only was it super duper slow….everytime I try to log on blogger it always ends up with “page cannot be found”. It bummed me to hell!!! Arrrgghhh!!! Ok, breath….ok, thank you for listening to my tirades now let’s move on to something better… J

Men are from mars, women are from Venus

In my previous post, alternati gave me a comment saying men are from mars and women are from Venus. Just yesterday, my friend gave me a book entitled…guess what? Yup, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. Imagine my surprise with that. I mean, why could he possibly give me a book such as this? Hahaha…he must be sending hints that I should try to understand what goes into men’s thinking…now that’s a laugh. Last night I started reading a few pages of it ( I’m still in the 31^st page! Hahaha! A pathetic attempt on reading…yes I know) and I must admit that I find my self nodding in agreement with what the author is saying. Let me quote some parts of which really made me think over:

“Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate and respond the way women do.”

“Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after.”

“The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen; the most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them.”

I guess I don’t have to explain why those made me think over the differences between men and women. They are self-explanatory don’t you think?

Moving on…

During that 2week long of having to live up with a super slow dial-up connection, I found myself poring over J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter books 5 and 6. And I’m so excited over the 7^th and last book. I keep having dreams of Hogwarts and Harry and the gang! Hahah! Talk about lunatic huh? I don’t know…I even find myself shouting “Cruciatus!”, “Protego”, or “Wingardium Leviosa”…hahah! Ok, I know, I sound freaky…so bear with it! :P

I really love Severus Snape! I don’t care if many people hate him, or loathe him to death; I really, really love Snape!! Hahah! He’s the villain that I absolutely love! I really hate Draco though, weird huh? Oh, and though I hate Voldemort too, I heart Ralph Fiennes. Hahah!

I wonder when Harry Potter Book 7 will come out.

There are free downloadable e-books of Harry Potter on the net though, if you guys would like to try, check out www.ebookstation.co.nr they have really nice e-books ranging from a variety of well-know authors of fiction novels like, John Grisham, Sidney Sheldon, Mario Puzo, J.K Rowling, and lots more…. (shameless plugging!)

A cute hate letter… J

And so, because I was bored to death last week, my friend forwarded me this cute little hate letter which I really find smartly-written.

Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative.
This is a loveletter from a boy to a girl....However,
the girl's father does not like him and wants them to
stop their relationship......and so....the boy wrote
this letter to the girl....... He knows that the
girl's father will definitely read this letter

1 "The great love that I have for you

2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you

3 grows every day. When I see you,

4 I do not even like your face;

5 the one thing that I want to do is to

6 look at other girls. I never wanted to

7 marry you. Our last conversation

8 was very boring and has not

9 made me look forward to seeing you again.

10 You think only of yourself.

11 If we were married, I know that I would find

12 life very difficult, and I would have no

13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

14 to give, but it is not something that

15 I want to give to you. No one is more

16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

17 able to care for me and help me.

18 I sincerely want you to understand that

19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

20 if you think this is the end. Do not try

21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

22 things that do not interest me. You have no

23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that

25 I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to

he girl....the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE

LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13 (Odd

Nos.)

So.. please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet....

Is it that obvious that I’m bored to death?? haha

2006-09-26T04:34:00.000-07:00

I AGREE!!!!

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't

crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done

something wrong, it's best to give her some

time to cool down before touching her heart with

an apology.

3. Never tell the girl you REALLY like about

your "crush" on another girl just to get her

jealous, it'll only give her the impression that

you're not interested.

4. A girl can't find anything to hate about the

guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for

her to 'get over him' after the relationship's

over.)

5. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on

her mind every minute of the day, even though

she flirts with other guys.

6. When the guy she likes smiles and stares

deep into her eyes, she will melt.

7. If you really like a girl, tell her, don't

hesitate, she might even feel the same way.

But if it's just an infactuation, DON'T.

8. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually

is not sure how to react to them.

9. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very

often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes

her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go

easy on the smiles and stare ok?

10. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break

it to her gently.

11. If a girl starts avoiding you after you

reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you

still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

12. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel.

Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways

of expressing themselves (which explains why

most girls like writing journals)

13. Never tell a girl that she is useless in any way.

14. Girls might sound uninterested when you ask

her to be your girlfriend, it's their way of

playing hard to get, she doesn't want to seem

too available. So don't give up.

15. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

16. When the guy she likes calls her for the

first time, the girl may act uninterested during

the call. But as soon as the phone is back on

the hook, she will whoop with joy and

immediately start telephoning her friends to

spread the news.

17. A smile means a lot to a girl.

18. If you like a girl, try making friends with

her first. Let her get to know you.

19. If a girl says she can't go out with you

because she has to study, leave.

20. But if she still calls you or expect a call

from you, stay.

21. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.

22. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great

reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

23. After a girl falls in love with a guy,

she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

24. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl,

read romance stories.

25. When class pictures come out, a girl

would first check who is standing next to her

crush before actually looking at herself.

26. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her

memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

27. Girls love having fun!

28. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

29. A girl's best friends usually know best

what she is feeling and going through.

30. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to

them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.

31. Most girls would wait for the guys to make

the first 'move', so guys DON'T hold back.

32. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to
a girl,

in that order.

33. Some girls care about looks, some care about
brains,

but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care
for them.

34. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

35. Don't wait too long to confess your true
feelings.

Girls might end up moving on.

>>>got this from friendster..haha! i so so agree with it...what do you guys think? :)

2006-09-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

I'll be waiting... :)

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog…been really busy and have not been in a chipper mood lately. I’ve been having so many problems just now. Yeah, we all do have problems, I’m not alone…

Does age matter when it comes to loving someone? Is it not enough that two people are in-love and happy about it? Is it not enough? Does age have to be a hindrance? Why do they think that just because I’m 19 I’m not old enough to be in a relationship? Why do they think that I’m not stable enough to stay in a long-term relationship? Why do they think that maturity comes with age? Can’t you be young and think maturely at the same time? And can’t you be old and yet still act childish and stupid? Is it wrong if I’m dating someone a decade and a year older than me? I know I don’t have to explain myself to anyone as to why I’m dating him, or as to why I love him… I don’t need a reason to, but some people just can’t understand.

I know all they mean for me is for my own good, and it’s either I embrace it or leave it. There’s no use in being stubborn though. When people say that all they want is just “for your own good”, it’s always a 99.9% possibility that it won’t favor you—but it will be good. You see, I’ve grown so tired of that “it’s for your own good” dialogue my parents always tell me, it’s like starting to become a cliché. But, I’m thankful for those times…I’ve really learned my way around life. Whether I like it or not, whether I bitch or cry, kick and scream, I just end up following them and it always turns out right.

It’s like this, you see guys, they are horrified by the fact that I’m dating someone who could pass as my older brother. They are horrified that moi, who just turned 19, could stomach to be with someone who is 30. So they tried to separate us. Is that fair? I mean, I’m not messing with their lives am I not? And what is wrong with dating someone older? How ‘bout Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise? I think it’s better to date someone older than you than someone younger. I wouldn’t want to be considered a “mama-san”. Eeeekkk…

But you know what? I think it’s ok to experience these kinds of problems. When you’re in a relationship, you can’t avoid it. And the most wonderful part of it is that we don’t consider this as an obstacle to our relationship, but rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong TRUE LOVE can be. We’ll just be here…waiting for the right moment…and hopefully, we can make it thru together. It’s not like the end of my life noh? Heheh! I’ve still got my friends to back me up and besides, I’m grateful that we started out as friends. He’ll always be there. And he’s the greatest guy I’ve ever loved.

Oh what the heck, the world has bigger problems and here I am bitching about stuff like these. Living without having to feel pain is a worthless life. I say worthless because one cannot be able to appreciate life in its complexity without having to go through all the hardships that one has to bear. Life becomes more meaningful because of pain. Because you may never appreciate love if you never felt being out of love. You may never really know the real value of happiness until you experience sadness. You may never learn to appreciate smiles without crying your tears. I’m glad I’m able to feel pain. I’m so glad I’m normal…and most of all, I’m happy to be living this kind of life I’m living now… it is a life which has reason. ..o ang drama ko na naman…haaaiii… :P

***

I hope when i get married someday i get to make babies as cute as SURI and Shiloh...hahah! i'm weird...:P

***

my friend forwarded me a bunch of quotes which are "supposedly" from Oprah.. i don't know if it is true but anyway, i really like it...and i feel like sharing it with you guys.. :)

--If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

--Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

--Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

--Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

--Slower is better.

--Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

--If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

--If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

--Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

--The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

--Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

--Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

--Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

--If something bothers you, speak up.

--Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

--You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

--Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

--Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

--Never let a man define who you are.

--Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

--A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

--All men are NOT dogs.

--You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

--You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage.
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

--You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

--Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

--Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

--Never move into his mother's house.

--Never co-sign for a man.

--Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

--Keep him in your radar but get to know others

>>> now, which of these quotes can you really relate to? let me know... :)

2006-09-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

The past unfolds in front of me…

Out of sheer boredom, I rummaged my old journal in search of a good read entry. I was laughing at myself on some of the crazy entries I wrote. Some cheesy, stupid and useless stuffs…I can’t believe I wrote those...haha! Maybe because I knew nobody or only a few people would care to read my journal. That’s why I was brazen enough to write the stupidest things I could ever think about…and even curse out in the open! Hahaha! So in short, that journal was my only outlet of all my mental-watchamacallits. It’s where I get to be this crazy and insane bitch regardless of what people think of me. (Did I just say that word??)

There was one entry which made me want to hit myself in the head though. After reading through it, I felt like a fool…I felt like an absolute idiot for even feeling that way. I know we all feel the need to let go of emotions, everyone of us each have our own “crazy-moments” in life. Life wouldn’t be so fun and exciting if it weren’t for those crazy moments… and you realize that when you grow up, you can only look back to those things and laugh at how foolish it has been to actually waste time and effort for those senseless things. But hey, it’s part of life… of growing up… and we can only embrace it or go against it.

Here’s what I wrote in that journal… an open-letter to my ex:

Dear C,

i don't know what to say as I write these words....I may sound a bit foolish or stupid. I don't care anymore... It's been so hard for me to accept that you are out of my life now, and into someone else's arms. Funny, but wasn't it just like a month ago when we were together and sharing dreams of tomorrow? How could I have been so blind to fall for you? You made me look so stupid. I want to hate you so much! So much that I wish you'd burn right this instant. You cannot blame me for feeling this. I try to be tough and just shrug this matter off me. I try to move on and unload this burden I’m carrying...but no matter how i try to forget you, no matter how i try to move on, there will always be things that remind me of you. There will always be something...
It may be cowardly of me to write about these stuffs in the net instead of facing you. But I can't face you yet. Not right now. I wouldn't know what to do to you. I just keep all these emotions bottled up that i might find myself bursting out one day. And I know it's not healthy. You never heard not a word from me after we broke up. I figured it is of no use to talk to you anymore. Friends? you still want to be friends with me? That’s bullshit! pure bullshit! And what good will it bring me if we'll remain friends??
that's just so stupid of you!
I just hope one day Karma gets back at you...and if u ever hear the song "i don't want to be your friend" by Nina...then you know it's dedicated to you...
--yOu think i'm so tough, but i just never let you see me cry----
~moi~

Can you believe that? I can’t believe I wrote that…really. It sounds pathetic to me..haha! but at least it is an honest letter…too bad he never really had the chance to read it…

Speaking of Exes…

This very same Ex of mine to whom that open-letter is addressed to turned a year older on Thursday, Sept. 7…3 days after my birthday…isn’t that pretty funny? That’s why he is the most unforgettable ex…coz I know our birthdays are just days apart…haha! Kidding aside, he is the one of the most unforgettable exes because he is the only a**hole to had the guts to cheat on me! And the only guy to ever break up with me! Grrrr! Do I still love him? Naaah… let’s just say, that no matter what I do, I cannot just deny the fact that once in my life, he became a part of me. And the memories will always be there…they may fade, yes, but not that easily…I can’t force the memories to fade right away. Are we friends? Hmmm…I can’t honestly say we’re friends right now… And I think It’s better this way. Maybe one thing which makes it easier for me to talk about things like this more openly now is the fact that I know I no longer feel anything for my ex. I’ve finally moved on.

And I’m much happier with who I have right now. I can’t ask for more. He brings out the best in me. He makes me smile…and with him I know that I don’t have a need to be insecure. Because he loves me… that alone assures me a lot and so much more.

2006-09-05T01:48:00.000-07:00

i got tagged by alternati with this really, really long meme! waaah! And like him, this is my first meme...so here goes...

I AM... I CHOOSE

>I wish I was a different ethnicity.
>I have an eating disorder.
>I'm short.
>I'm tall.
>I think I'm really attractive. (LoL)
>I prefer winter over summer.
>I'm a geek.
>I'm a shopaholic. ( i can't help it!!!!)
>I'm reasonably intelligent.( ask my boyfriend! haha!)
>I'm attracted to girls.
>I'm attracted to boys.
>I like British accents.
>I smoke regularly.
>I drink regularly.
>I smoke socially.
>I drink socially.
>I get drunk easily.
>I do drugs.
>I will never date a bad kisser.
>I've lied to avoid kissing them again.
>I brush my hair at least 50 times a night.
>I'm religious.
>I'm not religious but have morals.
>I lie frequently. ( waaaaah!)
>I'm impulsive.
>I'm hardworking.
>I liked "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind".
>"She's All That" is one of my favourite movies.
>I'm good at History.
>I speak more than two languages. ( i know tagalog, english, cebuano and cursing....oh my gwash!)
>I enjoy taking pictures. (of my self! waaah! vain!)
>I like spending money on myself.(why not anyway?)
>I like spending money on others. (if by others you mean friends, family and my boyfriend)
>I have a regular income.
>I earn money on a job-by-job basis.
>I pay my own bills.
>I rely on my parents for money. ( guilty as charged!)
>I can cook.
>I enjoy cleaning.
>Tidiness is a must in my life.
>I like clutter.
>My idea of good music is Britney Spears.
>I have heard of Blonde Redhead.
>I enjoy Blonde Redhead.
>I'm fashion-conscious.
>I have good taste.
>People tell me I have good taste.
>I excel academically.
>I'm told I have yet to fulfill my potential.
>I'm good at sports.
>I'm good at certain sports.
>I couldn't do sports to save my life.
>I'm creative.
>I'm artistically inclined.
>I wanna be an artist when I grow up
>I wanna be an engineer when I grow up.
>I eat when I'm upset.
>I cannot adapt to change.
>I'm interested in politics.
>I have shoplifted.
>I download MP3s.
>I've done underage drinking.
>I've gone underage clubbing.
>I can dance reasonably well.
>I can dance extremely well.
>I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
>I can sing.
>I sing like someone stepped on my foot.
>I can swim. (within 5 feet lng!!!)
>I enjoy surveys.
>I enjoy surveys when I'm bored.
>I keep a journal.
>My teachers don't like me.
>I enjoy controversy.
>I can be a bitch/bastard.
>I have a thing for bad boys/girls.
>I have tattoos.
>I've been in a nudist colony.
>I'm not sure if I want to have children.
>I'm not sure if I'll get married.
>I know who I will marry.
>I'm interesting.
>I'm a good liar.
>People enjoy talking to me.
>I annoy people from time to time.
>I'm a born leader.
>I'm a born leader but shouldn't lead.
>I enjoy felching.
>I have a foot fetish.
>I have a shoe fetish.
>I watch "Sex and the City".
>I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty.
>I wanna be J.Lo. (no i mean i wanna have her ass please!)
>I cut myself.
>I've cut myself.
>I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
>I hate popular people.
>I think cheerleading is a sport.
>I'm photogenic.
>I live in Chucks.
>I think graffiti is art.
>I have dated a criminal.
>I have been cheated on. (Yeah! Grrrr!)
>I have cheated on someone.
>I have a temper.
>I like playgrounds.
>I dance in the rain.
>I'm obsessed with Shakespeare.
>I have tanlines.
>My favourite color is pink.
>My favourite color is black.
>I would classify myself as emo.
>I'm musically inclined.
>I like listening to music.
>I like music-blasting cars.
>Thongs are comfortable.
>I like flip-flops.
>I know what monogamy is... and I believe in it.
>I wanna be a social worker when I grow up.
>I have sibling/s.
>My sibling/s annoy me.
>I think "South Park" is funny.
>I believe in LOVE.

>>>> there i've finished this effin long meme finally! haha! although i must say, i did enjoy it (kinda!), maybe because i was laughing at alternati's side comments on the ones he'd emphasized. hmmm..

here are the list of people i've tagged with this meme! enjoy!

lisa
faith
talamasca
april
jmom

2006-09-03T23:15:00.000-07:00

Turning a year Older

if you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.
~ Abraham Sutzkever

Today, I turn a year older and I feel weird. Haha! Maybe because of the realization that I’m not getting any younger anymore. I just turned 19 today. And I’ve just realized that all those 19 years of my life, I’ve been really blessed with so many things and much more. Sometimes I just fail to see it. Sometimes, I wish for something else than what I already have. I’ve taken some people for granted. I’ve hurt friends along the way. I’ve failed countless of times. I’ve been dumped, kicked, hurt and left in the gutter for long that I don’t know how I am going to stand up on my own again.

Oh well, cut the crap! It’s my birthday today! I should be happy! Haha! J

So many things have happened this year and I can look back to all those things with a smile on my face. Whether it be bad experiences, I am still thankful for those because I’ve become a much better person than I was before.

This won’t be the first time I’m celebrating my birthday away from home though. And I guess, I have to get used to this.

A new beginning with YOU…

There are mysteries about our love. Things that neither one of us may ever understand because love is an emotion without limit and understanding. We know we love each other but we could never explain completely as why we love each other. Love is not a clock. You simply cannot take it apart just to see what makes it tick, and even if you could, you probably could never get it back together again...

Sometimes it's not enough just to have you in my life; there are times when I need more of you than you give - more attention, more understanding, maybe even a little more of your time. Please
understand. I don't want to crowd you or ask too much. I guess that I just want you to open up a
little bit more. . . share more of your thoughts with me, your feelings and fears...and I want you to always remember. . . that you can trust me with your love, and I want you to know that the more of you that you can give, the more of me you'll see smiling. . . with the
wish to give nothing but good things back to you.

Let's try to remember that love means keeping in touch with each other's thoughts and feelings...listening, not just to words, but to the emotions behind them...seeing, not just the smiles and frowns, but the hurts and pleasures that causes them..

and above all...just remember that i love you...and words are not enough for me to say everything to you..there may be times when i've been unreasonable, stubborn, childish, and stupid, but i just don't know any way to get your attention (haha! in short KSP ako.. :P pero sayo lng noh!)..i don't know why i'm like that..it just happens...haha! And i've been really grateful that you've been patient with me..for bearing with my imperfections..thank you for trusting me..and i trust my heart with you... :)

we still have a long way ahead..we still have many dreams to make...the road ahead won't me an easy one, you can bet on that! But i hope that every step of the way, every dream we make, we do it together...

I love you be!

The greatest gift!

Last night, my ate told me that she is four months pregnant. I was left speechless. I was speechless with so much joy! I am now an aunt by official decree! Haha! This is one of the most wonderful gifts I’ve received in my lifetime. The thought of being a tita just overwhelms me. Maybe I’m being cheesy, but I don’t care. Having an additional member of the family is something I’ve been really looking forward to. I can already imagine my self playing with the baby! Hehe! With so much excitement, my ate and I came up with several suggestions regarding the baby’s name. It’s hard though, she’s looking for a name that starts with K for a baby boy. I racked my brain last night for really good names but can’t find the perfect one.

You guys can help out if you want. Any name starting with the letter K. remember it’s for a baby boy’s name. Kenneth and Kristoffer are not allowed. Hehe!

2006-08-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

I got this from a friend of mine...hope u like this as much as i did..

here goes...

Dear GOD:

I want to thank You for what you have already
done. I am not going to wait until I see results or
receive rewards;

I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait
until I feel better or things look better;

I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait
until people say they are sorry or until they stop
talking about me;

I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait
until the pain in my body disappears ;

I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait
until my financial situation improves;

I am going to thank you right now. I am not going
to wait until the children are asleep and the house
is quiet;

I am going to thank you right now. I am not going
to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the
job;

I am going to thank you right now. I am not going
to wait until I understand every experience in my
life that has caused me pain or grief;

I am thanking you right now. I am not going to
wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges
are removed;

I am thanking you right now. I am thanking you
because I am alive. I am thanking you because I
made it through the day's difficulties. I am thanking
you because I have walked around the obstacles.

I am thanking you because I have the ability and
the opportunity to do more
and do better.

I'm thanking you because FATHER, YOU haven't
given up on me.

>>> it was nice reading through this...it sums up everything i want to say, and feel. How bout U?

hope this made u smile!

2006-08-14T07:01:00.000-07:00

random thots from the deepest recesses of my twisted mind... :)

for You...

I feel happy to know that you feel the same as I do. I feel happy, looking forward to each day with you. I feel so happy to have your love because what we share is so special, so very right for us. I can feel the caring in the caress of your eyes, the understanding of your smile, and the touch of your hand. It is so wonderful how your hand fits beautifully into mine or how cozily I feel into your arms. I want to hold your hands and never let go. I want to stay into your arms for as long as I want coz I feel so safe in it. I feel the air between us, sometimes exciting, sometimes quiet and sometimes intimate.

Our love is still new but it feels like I’ve been loving you forever...

Drama na naman...

being in love gives a feeling so oh difficult to explain. But whatever it is, it surely feels good. But love is not always about roses and chocolates or sweet lovely music, love can go awfully wrong too...

Being 18 years old is a difficult age in life to decide the border between adult and child, and that's why teens my age usually make the wrong decisions when it comes to lots of things..especially when it comes to love. It isn't our fault that we're born in this age where "love" becomes an overly used word that it slowly loses its real meaning. And it isn't our fault that people these days associate love with sex or lust. Love is much more deeper than that i believe..and as most of you would...But i'm not saying that we teens are the ones that only encounter these kinds of problems, adults too tend to forget to act their age and lose them selves by getting carried away with emotions they mistake as LOVE...

have you fallen "in love"?

this is one of the questions that i really love answering wether it be surveys or real lifeconfrontations. hehe! Love is a topic everyone can relate to! It's been discussed here, there and everywhere. Under the sun or beneath the pale moonlight. Young or old, gay or straight, normal and er...the somewhat "not-so-normal", each of us have our own love story to tell! It would be such a lie to say that we have never been in love, or at least have had a close brush with cupid and his arrows. Love is something that most of us have experienced and yet, it still remains one of
the most wonderful mysteries that yet remains unsolved.

do you fall in love fast? well...now, this is an interesting question. How fast do you fall in love? do you fall in love at first glance or first sight?
Do you fall within a matter of days, weeks or hours?I can never say that such things don't happen for i've heard of stories of people falling in love at first
sight. But i believe, it is not really love at first sight...maybe physical attraction since most of us consider looks important (don't deny people..).
Do i fall in love fast? Let's just say, that those whom i've fallen in love fast were not the right persons or maybe i wasn't the right one..or who knows?
maybe it just wasn't meant to be . Those feelings were just raging hormones that i mistook for "love". haha! i've read a book that girls tend to be "boy-crazy"
during their teenage years because of "raging Hormones". But as I grew up, I realize
that it's just not a matter of black and white anymore when it comes to many many things, especially in love. As we grow older, our notion of love becomes much deeper.
Before it used to be feeling this "spark" and the fireworks, and how intense and overwhelming the feeling of love was. It used to be that when the feeling was intense, then it was Love. I can't exactly remember how many times i've led myself to believe that i was in-love because the feeling was really great. And then, comes reality snapping right before your very eyes saying it was all just a lovely illusion. plain infatuation. period.

But if i've had my share of falling in-loves, i've had my fair share of heartbreaks too. Growing up, i've met a lot of guys who made my heart swoon. BUt i've had my heart broken too. countless of times..cried for it..haha! yes! i've been stupid..now its time to move on.

When i was younger, it used to be that if my boyfriend did something that would turn me off, it's goodbye for good. Or if he becomes too annoying or possesive, then he can pack up his bags and go. Fickle. That's how i used to be, and i set my standards way too high. Yes, i was hard to please..and maybe still am (but i'm thankful that my bebe can still put up with my craziness..haha!). And so, my relationships usually last 2 months as the longest and a month as the shortest..There were times that i'd count the days before i'd decide to break up with my boyfriend though. LIke this one time when i was so fed up with my then boyfriend who was becoming too annoying lately. So i decided that i'd make the relationship last a month..haha! so that at least my peers would say that i don't go on hopping from one relationship to another in just a matter of days.

But now, it's not easy anymore. After you've been in a relationship for awhile, at some point in time, you and your partner would have committed everything and a lot more. You start to plan your future together, you build your dreams. You compromise, you learn to live with each other's imperfections, hang-ups or attitudes. Problems become more difficult to resolve because it's not anymore a matter of who is wrong and who is right. It's a matter of what you are willing to accept and willing to give. And in relationships..it's always a give and give thing. Haaaiii...love..nakakabaliw noh? But why do we go on loving despite everything? The pain, the hurt, the hassles? ..I don't know..i guess i've still a lot to learn...

how bout u?

ON THE OTHER HAND...

i really would love to have this adidas miss piggy shoes!!! huhuhu! sigh! i have to save up for it though!! :P hope someone would be generous enough to buy me one.. :P

dba ang cute??? hehe!

HULING HIRIT PA!

huling hirit pa!! i love bob ong! i would really buy his books if i have the chance to! i loved reading the yellow book..the one with the title "bakit baliktad magbasa ng libro ang pinoy?". It is super funny as well as an eye-opener to what our country is suffering from these days. It brought out the patriot in me! hehe!

2006-08-11T01:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom...

my mom turns 44 today...i feel a mixture of emotions welling inside me. my mom and i have never been close as far as i can remember. She was this person who i feared greatly during my childhood years and i feared her more when as I grew up. When i was in highschool, the fear turned to rebellion. I wanted to rebel against who and what she wills me to be. We fought most of the times, rendering those many sleepless guilt-ridden nights. I've never wanted it that way. BUt i always saw her as this person who i hardly know. She seemed so distant to me. I've always been envious of my friends who are so close to their own mothers. I've wished to have the kind of mother-daughter relationship that Rory and Lorelai have on Gilmore girls(haha! my favorite tv series!). I have always wanted a female ally at home since i am the only girl at home. I wanted to share the juciest secrets to my mom and i wanted her to share her thoughts about the things which move me. I wanted to ask her advices about boys and stuffs..just the usual silly girly sentiments. But i never had the chance to...

I am a Daddy's girl...but I can never imagine sharing my dad stuff about my crushes and all...or else my dad would have a fit(haha!). I had no one to share my thoughts to at home. Well, i shared a few things to my younger brother Pepe, but there are some things that boys will never understand. And with that, i yearned for my mom. BUt we were so distant from each other. Yes, we lived in the same house, but it feels like we're strangers. It hurts me, and I guess it hurts her more. I don't know...i guess i will never understand.

My mom and I just had the chance to be close these past 2 years. Since i started living away from home, we've been constant textmates and chika buddies. I never realized that there was this quirky side in her. I never realized that we had so much in common. I am her daughter after all! hehe!

today, i wrote her a letter...and writing it made me realize how much time we've wasted. And i wish we could make up for it. I hope we can...so here's a copy of what i wrote to mom today on her birthday..

hi mom! happy birthday! whew! you're now 44 years old...
and i do mean OLD! hahaha!

mom, sori for all the bad things that i did before,
sa mga shortcomings nako..
all i just wanted was acceptance from both u
and dad..maybe i still dont understand or
u don't understand me..i have never been
the daughter u wanted me to be..i have never
been the good daughter..i was always pasaway...
and i feel guilty and bad for that..because i
never wanted it to be that way...it's just that
i feel that you and dad are too distant..
like its hard to share things with you because
you might not approve..but i always wanted you
guys to be there..to be a part of my life..
to be the ones i can run to and ask opinions
from...but it is so difficult...
i'm sory for everything mom...

all those that we went through the past 2
years have made me proud of you..
because you endured it all..even though it has been a rough year...

mom..i hope someday, i can open up things
that i want to share to you...things that
you will understand because you are a woman
like me...i just want you there to listen and
to understand..and not to judge right away...

mom, i may never have said it to you...
I love you mom...thanks for being a
good mother to me...thanks for being my mother...
i'm lucky to have you mom...

i thank God that you are my mother...

>>>my mom's reply made me cry and glad that i was able to open up things to her. it made happy the way our relationship is turning...

Happy Birthday MOm...I love you!

2006-07-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

WHAT A YEAR!

guys!!! one year na kami dto sa republic of apalit, pampanga!! haha!! gosh! how time flies so fast!! :D so to commemorate my one year residence here in apalit, i've made a list of things which i really, really miss about home. hehe! so here goes:

1.) my room-- having my own room is a comfort for me. it is the place where i can freely think about things. It is a place of solace for me. i've missed the feeling of snuggling up to my bed on a cold, rainy day. But alas, here, i live among strangers..( err...not really strangers...:P) and in the past year, i have come to adjust to live with them, sharing stuffs and just the usual girly-sentiments... i don't mind having them around anymore..it's privacy that's an issue..hehe!

2.) my pc!!!--- errr..not really my pc, but our pc..hehe! i just miss i've tons of downloaded music files there..haha! and the games!!! man i miss playing battle realms, red alert, and black hawk down!! heheh! ok, so i maybe a bit girly-girly but i have a tomboy-ish side as well!

3.) our dogs--i miss our dogs...but hey! at least i'm luckier here! my dog is low-maintainance! haha! you know who you are!

4.) my cousin and bestfriend exelzy! --yeah i miss this girl to the max!! she's my chika partner, partner-in-crime, and partner sa lahat lahat!!! i miss her soOooo freaking much!!!

5.) blueberry cheesecake-- mmmmmm....my favorite cake!! and it's been a year since i indulged myself in the pleasure that this dessert brings...huhuhu!!! wish ko sa bday ko, is to be able to eat blueberry cheesecake again!!

6.) my brothers and my mom-- yeah, they may be noisy and reckless monkeys, but they're my brothers!!! and i love them still..hehe! i miss making my baby brother cry!! LOL! i'm a bad sister! tsk! tsk! i miss my mom too...although we don't really agree on lots of things, she's still my mom e...and i owe her a lot...:)

7.)the biatches of my life---yes!! the ocho-ocho girls!! i miss these biatches soooo much!! so much has changed since we graduated! Leonie darling is now a proud mother, epyang, ivy and mia are still crazy as hell...hehe! shemae is happily commited to her fafa...so is my dea couzin cleng...and what about yours truly??? hmmmm....hehe! i'm happy here..life is good...and as for my love life??? hmmm...naaahhh....chekwet ko nlng un...LOL!

8.) the thugs of my life-- the engots of iligan city!! hehe! jokes!! i miss kulot, marlon, client, jun and louie...sad to say louie is back in davao na... these guys are the craziest bunch ever!!! they're totally freaks! hahaha! joke! bsta i miss all the ka-engotan they ever do...hehe!!

9.) iligan-- i just plain miss iligan. the city of my birth...the city who is witness to all my pains, my joys, my sufferings, throughout the 17 years of my fleeting life. the city where thousands of wonderful memories have been etched. the city i have come to love and appreciate all the more since i came here in apalit!! hahahaah! gosh!!!

10.) My churchmates-- and lastly, i miss the people in sa Church namin!! It has been my "home" for 5 years... i practically grew up with it...i've seen the rise of the locale since its establishment..it is a big part of me and always will be...

penny for your thoughts

Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled,
and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make
and the circumstances that
come our way. We feel as
though we are worthless.
But no matter what has
happened or what will happen,
you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled
or finely creased, you are
still priceless to those
who DO LOVE you. The worth
of our lives comes not in
what we do or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE. You are special
- Don't EVER forget it."

babymoi now signing off....

2006-07-14T01:40:00.000-07:00

bag Lady

now this is what i call innovation!!! haha! it really applies to the phrase "bag lady" LOL!!

2006-07-09T04:00:00.000-07:00

Who’s your penguin?

When I was a kid, my only idea of a “penguin” was of that short, fat and balding villain from the cartoon series of “Batman”. Yeah, funny right? It was not until I reached the age of 6 that I found out what penguins really look like. Since then, I’ve fallen I love with them. I even begged my mom to buy me one, which I now realize must have seemed foolish of me! aha! I am not really a huge fan of penguins; all I know is that I fancy them.

When I grew up, I had a huge collection of dolls and teddy bears—no penguins in sight. But my affection for them remained. I’ve had notebooks with penguin prints, and I had this really cute pink nightgown with a huge penguin picture in the middle. And every time I see penguin stuff toys, I totally drool over them. It’s just my bad luck that mom buys me bears…hehe! :P

Aside from being cute and funny-looking creatures, I’ve come to really appreciate the penguins after watching a documentary about them. It was one really informative and heart-tugging documentary. But what caught my interest most was the way penguins form monogamous relationships. Yes, penguins mate for life! They form monogamous pairs that last for a lifetime! Isn’t it amazing? I’ve been so amazed by the dedication these creatures give to their spouses

Penguins go through courtship, mating, nesting, and the incubation period on land. During this time, which can last over 100 days in some species, many penguins do not return to the sea to feed, and some species can lose up to 30 percent of their body mass. After the baby is born the penguins share all responsibilities for the new baby. Parents alternate brooding with trips to the sea to obtain food for the chicks. In Adélie, chinstrap, and gentoo penguins, parents share brooding duties equally with changeovers every one to two days. The males in the crested penguins and the females in the emperor penguins perform all brooding duties.

Their dedication to the art of courtship and the conception and birth of their children drives them to abstain from eating for up to 100days. What could be a more heartfelt display of the love for one’s spouse and family?

Sad to say, these days, only a few people realize the importance of monogamous relationships and family. We hear a lot of news about separation, divorce, adultery, broken-families and abused children. We hear of fathers not playing his role as a father, of mothers forsaking their children, of mothers trading their children for cash, of parents breaking up, of husbands beating their wives, of cheaters, of shameless children. What ever happened to fidelity? Whatever happened to respect?

Some people just don’t realize the importance of fidelity as a penguin does. The penguin may not know anything about taxes, about the latest trends, technology and stuffs, but it does know one virtue which some of us fail to uphold—loyalty.

 Some may say that it is hard to remain faithful to someone, as each passage of time wears out the feelings you have for that person.
That is an excuse of a foolish person. It is not hard to be loyal to your spouse/partner. All it takes is each other’s efforts to work out
the relationship. Both should keep the fire burning. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and I am saddened at the prospect that some people
regard marriage as just some cheap boredom-breaker. I am disgusted by the fact that some people, who are afraid to grow old single,
 rush into things and get married without even thinking.

 think that we should set the penguins as an example when it comes to keeping relationships. They maybe just simple
creatures, but they taught me a lot and so much more. We should each be loyal to our own “penguins”.  As loyalty begets trust

 So, who's your penguin?

2006-07-04T00:23:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking one day, if I had only one week left to live my life, what would I do?

Gosh! What a hard question! I mean seriously, if I really would have only one week until I say goodbye to dear old mother earth I wouldn’t know what I’d do. Or maybe I’ve got a few plans here and there. And maybe I’d like to do some of the things which I’ve always wanted to do but lacked the courage to do so. Well, here goes a list of the possible to-do things:

Day 1:

-bond with my family…I haven’t been able to do this for a long time considering the fact that we’re miles away from each other. It should be memorable though, since I’d be gone for a long time then..hehe!

- go to initao beach resort…I’ve been there once and enjoyed the tranquil beauty of the beach with all its beauty and galore. White sand, serene, cold blue water and the setting of the sun….just perfect to do my “thinking sessions”.

- picture taking with my family.. might as well grab the chance for some nice Kodak moments! Haha! At least they’ll remember me thru the pix! :P

To sum it all up..day one would be the perfect “family day” for me…J

Day 2:

- bond with my barkada!! I miss the old times especially those highschool days!!! I miss the ocho-ocho girls ( as what we were called). I miss the bickering, craziness, pranks and mischief we used to do! Hehe! Maybe we could do stuff like those again! :P

-joyride with them in the city! :P bsta anywhere…

Day 2 would be for friends…who I miss so much!! I didn’t know I was missing them so much until I started writing this! Haiii.. J

Day 3:

-net surfing day! Haha! I’d be emailing and texting my friends and tell them that I’d be gone for a very, very, very, very long time! Think that would be fun! Hehe!

- eat all the Cadbury roasted almond chocolates that I want! Hahah! Joke! Screw diabetes! I’m dying anyway! :P

- eat all the cheese flavored Pringles!! Haha! I love Pringles! And oh yeah, those yummy yummy fries from NYFD..love them! And all those other foods I missed eating….like the ever favorite blueberry cheesecake!! Yum!!!! Screw obesity!

Day 3 is food craving satisfaction day...ngek!

Day 4

- this day would be for spending a quiet time in a park or somewhere peaceful so that I can have time to think. I like spending time to think alone. It gives me this inner peace. Hehe! As if naman I have one! :P bsta..i’d like to go back to places which are memorable to me. I’d like to relive memories imprinted in them. I’m that sentimental. Or maybe I’d read a good book or two. I like reading somewhere quiet…it’s relaxing…J

-attend my last prayer meeting ever. Of course at least before I depart from this world, I’d learn wisdom from the Holy Scriptures... J

And to make the day complete, I’ll be listening to all the love songs in my song collection. Its better to listen to it before I go to bed…being senti has its good points..hehe!

Day 5

-Friday!! Friday is a great day! So many things to do!! First of all, I’d be packing some of my clothes and send them for donation or hand them down to some relatives.. J and keep some of my sentimental stuff like letters, photographs and cd’s tucked away in a box.. I’d clean my room til it’s spic and span.

-practice for my last dance…J in preparation for Thanksgiving Day. This should be the best performance coz this is the last! Hehe! This is a great way to bond with my churchmates too!

- I’d go out with the love of my life…and spend the rest of the day together…just the two of us..somewhere romantic..in the beach watching the sunset, or just in one corner..hugging each other. I want to be able to tell him how much I love him so much! Just before I leave…I want him to know that… J

To end the day, I’d sleep beside him…

Day 6

- Thanksgiving Day!! A special day! And my last Thanksgiving Day! It should be a memorable day. I’d be able to give my final thanks to my Creator before I die. It is a good chance to be able to do something good too. And at the same time learn new things that are taught by the scriptures.

-attend worship service at night….

I’d sleep beside my love the whole night till tomorrow comes…

Day 7

My last day on earth…I don’t know…maybe I’ll cry myself before I drop dead…actually I feel a bit teary-eyed na already….haha!

SUMMARY…

Whew! Writing that list was some kind of an experience for me. I realized that there still are lots of other things that I want to do, besides what I have written, before I die. I feel like I haven’t done enough yet. I still need to find out more about life, meet new people, learn things, and all that stuff…I think I haven’t been a good ate to my brothers and I would like to remedy that…and then I ended up thinking last night, what if I don’t know that I will only have a week to live? Will I still be able to do the things that I have planned out? What if I won’t be able to carry out those things? What if tomorrow never comes? So many what ifs…I can only sigh….

I really should say I love you more often to my dad, to my mom and to the ones I love… To my brothers who I bully a lot..hehe! I really should ask forgiveness to those I hurt in the past and forgive those who have hurt me deeply…in that way, I can say goodbye peacefully…I realized that I’ve spent most of my time in vain and hadn’t really done anything relevant. I’ve wasted a lot of time on doing senseless things..and I’m resolving to be a better person. Haaaiii…

how bout u? what would you do if you had only a week to live? Do tell me…Just post your comments...tnx!